Confession

You know I have always tried to be honest with you and open about my life. So I need to tell you today that part of what you have heard and read is correct. I am addicted to lard. I first started taking lard some years ago when my doctor prescribed it to treat post surgical pain following ingrown toe nail surgery. Unfortunately the surgery was unsuccessful, and I continued to have severe pain in my toe and also in my other toe due to hammer toeitis.

I am still experiencing that pain. Rather than opt for additional surgery for these conditions, I chose to treat the pain with lard. This medication turned out to be highly addictive. Over the past several years I have tried to break my dependence on lard and, in fact, twice checked myself into medical facilities in an attempt to do so. I have recently agreed with my physician about the next steps. Immediately following this post, I am checking myself into a treatment center for the next 30 days to once and for all break the hold this highly addictive, but yummy medication has on me.

So, I will only say that the stories you have read and heard contain inaccuracies and distortions, which I will clear up when I am free to speak about them. I deeply appreciate all of your support over this last tumultuous week. It has sustained me like a good chunk of fatback.

Hinji Bullpanty Scroatis